Theresa Miller opens by tracing relationship anxiety back to early attachment experiences rather than the current partner's actual behavior.

The key reframe:

• Anxious reactions often reflect old attachment wounds, triggered by a present situation that merely resembles the past
• The current partner may be doing nothing wrong — the anxiety response predates them
• Recognizing this distinction is the first step to responding differently

This reframe reduces the tendency to blame either yourself or your partner for a pattern that's actually rooted much earlier.