Self-Help
Not Nice
Dr. Aziz Gazipura
4.3 (7800) 8 min read 5 key ideasPremium
A psychologist's guide for people (particularly men) prone to excessive people-pleasing, teaching assertiveness as a skill for genuine self-respect.
Key takeaways
- Excessive Niceness Often Reflects Fear-Driven Avoidance Rather Than Genuine Kindness
- This Pattern Often Produces Suppressed Authentic Needs and Accumulated Internal Resentment
- Developing Genuine Assertiveness Requires Practiced Tolerance for Others' Potential Disapproval
- Specific Communication Techniques Support Practicing Direct, Authentic Expression
- Sustained Practice of Assertive Authentic Expression Produces Genuine Confidence and Reduced Resentment Over Time
Action checklist
- Say what you actually think in one low-stakes conversation today, instead of the 'nice' version
- Practice asking directly for something you want today instead of hinting
- Notice one moment today you people-please out of fear, and choose honesty instead
Final takeaway
Gazipura's closing invitation: sustain practice of assertive authentic expression consistently over time, tolerating the discomfort of others' potential disapproval, understanding genuine confidence and reduced resentment as developing gradually through this sustained practical application rather than immediate transformation.
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