Psychology
I Hate You — Don't Leave Me
Dr. Jerold J. Kreisman, MD, Hal Straus
4.0 (22000) 8 min read 5 key ideas
A foundational clinical guide to understanding and coping with a loved one's Borderline Personality Disorder, from two leading experts.
Key takeaways
- Borderline Personality Disorder Involves Characteristic Patterns Requiring Understanding
- The 'I Hate You, Don't Leave Me' Pattern Reflects Genuine Internal Conflict
- Effective Treatment Approaches Have Improved Significantly Over Recent Decades
- Loved Ones Benefit From Specific Communication and Boundary-Setting Guidance
- Understanding and Appropriate Treatment Support Genuine Improvement Over Time
Action checklist
- Notice one moment of black-and-white ('all good' or 'all bad') thinking about a relationship today
- Practice tolerating an uncomfortable relational feeling today without an extreme reaction
- Name the fear (abandonment, engulfment) behind a strong reaction today
Final takeaway
The authors' closing invitation: apply the book's clinical understanding and practical guidance — recognizing genuine internal conflict rather than manipulation, pursuing appropriate evidence-based treatment, and applying specific communication and boundary techniques — as a foundation for realistic hope regarding genuine improvement over time.
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