Derrick Jaxn opens by arguing that genuine self-worth — recognizing your own inherent value independent of external validation — must be established before genuinely healthy romantic relationships become possible.

Why this ordering matters:

• Entering relationships from a place of insufficient self-worth often produces patterns of accepting mistreatment or excessive compromise to maintain the relationship
• Reclaiming genuine self-worth first provides the foundation needed to recognize and maintain healthy boundaries within subsequent relationships
• This principle applies the broader concept that external relationships tend to reflect and reinforce your existing internal sense of self-worth, rather than being able to fully compensate for its absence

This opening establishes the book's foundational argument: internal self-worth work as a genuine prerequisite for external relationship health, not a separate, optional consideration.