Esther Perel opens The State of Affairs by challenging the conventional, simplified moral framework typically applied to infidelity — one purely of betrayal and victim versus perpetrator — arguing this simplified framework fails to capture infidelity's genuine psychological complexity and the nuanced circumstances under which it typically occurs.

Perel's foundational argument:

• She draws on her extensive couples therapy practice, working directly with numerous couples navigating infidelity, to argue that this common, simplified moral framework — while capturing genuine real harm — often obscures rather than illuminates the actual psychological complexity driving infidelity and the path toward genuine relationship recovery afterward
• Perel argues that approaching infidelity with curiosity about its underlying psychological drivers, rather than purely moral condemnation, often serves couples better in actually understanding what occurred and determining whether and how their relationship might genuinely recover
• This foundational reframing, while explicitly not excusing the genuine harm infidelity causes, positions the book's overall project as examining infidelity's actual psychological complexity, drawn from Perel's direct clinical experience, rather than offering simplified moral judgment alone

This foundational framing sets up the book's overall approach: examining infidelity's diverse underlying motivations, its impact on relationships, and the complex, non-linear process through which some couples navigate genuine recovery and even relationship transformation following infidelity's disclosure.